A few weeks ago I split up an asparagus fern(which was already in a big pot.) Since then I’ve been noticing that both the split plants look like they are barely holding their own. I have been snipping off the dry dead colorless parts ever since. I took a look at the larger one today. It just looked like a goner. I felt like a bad plant lover. As I ripped away though, I noticed a bunch of new green sprouts poking up. This made me feel better.

I have felt for a few months, that I am in a transformational period. My meditation teacher confirmed this when he said that I was in a transformative process wherein I would (in effect) die off and be reborn. This will be sweet. I like the idea of being a pure new creation.

So, like my plant, I do feel like I’m in a period of change and transformation. I sense that there are parts of me that are dying off; perhaps sloughing off. These could simply be old ways of being/feeling/thinking. I am indeed, thinking and reacting differently from a while ago. There are parts of my reactions that are like those dead sprigs on the fern; colorless, bitter, harsh, biting against my self. They are gone and dead from my life and yet resident in my self concept.

At the same time, though, there is new growth. Meditation is bringing new vistas into view. My mind and heart are expanding and breathing anew. I even believe my ability to hear is enhanced. I don’t take what hear for granted as often. I am truly listening in a way I have not before. This is not always comfortable. I am hearing more clearly. Consequently, perhaps, my interpretation in certain cases is not clouded by preconceptions and habit(who thought hearing would be a habit).

It is a strange state to be in…this state of transformation…It is almost like living two lives. This is unsettling-and downright upsetting at times– but it is life when we agree to be open to constant development and transformation. There is no other way for me live.

Just call me “Ferny.”